If you’re reading this, it may be because your relationship has hit a bump in the road which you are unsure how to resolve.

The good news is, that every relationship will encounter issues and hurdles throughout their natural course. The bad news is that not all relationships will weather the storm, with approximately 50% of all marriages in the US ending in divorce.

A relationship is a commitment between two people which requires shared effort, love and compassion, an unequal balance in these areas can often lead to the breakdown of a relationship.

Nevertheless, it is possible to build a durable, loving relationship through understanding and communicating one another’s needs.

As individuals we are all unique, with no two people the same, similarly when two people come together in partnerships the same logic can be applied with no two relationships being the same, every couple will have different shared experiences, different approaches to intimacy and a differing approach to partnership.

However, the majority of issues that couples encounter are usually not that different, having an understanding of these issues could help you to self-identify the issues in your relationship as they begin to surface.

The great news is, if you’re reading this it already means you have an interest and willingness in making the necessary steps to fix your relationship.

Read on to discover the top 10 most common issues that couples face in their relationship:

1. Unhealthy communication.

A lack of healthy communication is one of the most common, if not the most common relationship issue facing couples and can often be the root cause of many other relationship issues such as a decline in intimacy, feeling underappreciated and subsequently drifting apart.
Unhealthy communication can present itself in a few different ways:

• Listening but not hearing what your partner is telling you.
• Underlying or built-up resentment from a failure to nip minor issues (such as household chores or personal plans or aspirations) in the bud.
• Not communicating needs or emotions and expecting your partner to guess.

As individuals, we each have our own unique communication style. You may consider yourself an introverted, introspective person who enjoys spending time alone and avoids confrontation at all costs, while your partner may possess more extroverted qualities, perhaps they’re more social, thriving off interaction with others and unafraid to speak their mind.

This is a perfectly normal dynamic to have. However, different communication styles can sometimes result in miscommunication which in turn can lead to an unhealthy communication dynamic. Whatever your communication style may be relationships need effective, regular communication in order to thrive as a unit. It is important to acknowledge and discuss these differences and establish healthy boundaries.

2. Sex and Intimacy

A lack of sex and intimacy can be a major obstacle to overcome in relationships. There are many factors which may contribute to a decline in sexual intimacy.

One of which might be that a breakdown in communication leads to a decreased engagement in sex and intimacy. When looking at the possible causes of this decreased intimacy it is important to first ask yourself if there are any other issues in your relationship that could have a direct correlation.

A contradictory sex-drive is one of the leading causes of relationship challenges faced by couples. Change is an unavoidable part of the modern lifestyle, as you and your partner go through change in work, in your family and personally your sex drive is also bound to fluctuate. If you find a discrepancy in sex-drives is hindering your relationship, then it’s important to address it openly with your partner in a safe and loving way.

In some instances, you or your partner may have developed a ‘fear of intimacy’. If this fear of intimacy was not always present in your relationship, then it is possible that something has triggered a past trauma in you or your spouse. A Sex Therapist is a huge asset in any relationship but especially when helping you overcome a mental block caused by past trauma.

Some sexual problems such as Erectile Dysfunction, Premature Ejaculation and Vaginismus may need specialist help through diagnosis of a GP and further support provided by a Sex Therapist. It is important not to feel ashamed of any sexual problems that may arise. Know that they are more common than you think, and it is important to communicate your concerns to your partner as allowing your sexual problems to become the ‘elephant in the room’ can lead to a subsequent communication breakdown where one partner is left questioning the lack of intimacy and the reasons as to why.

3. Infidelity

If you or your partner has been unfaithful it can be difficult to forgive and find the strength to repair what’s broken.

It is important to note that cheating is not always physical, infidelity can also arise in the form of emotional cheating. Some of the best advice I could offer you is to set aside some time with your partner and have an open and frank discussion about what you each would consider cheating and line crossing in a relationship. It may seem obvious but in actuality most people have different opinions on what they would consider to be “cheating” particularly in this digital age where the lines are so easily blurred (For example, some people might consider texting a colleague outside of working hours in a ‘banterful’ way, watching porn, subscribing to only fans or liking other women’s photos on Instagram to be cheating).

Most affairs stem from underlying issues. If choosing to try again it is important to be open, honest and have a willingness to repair the wounds that are left open. Working to repair a relationship after someone has been unfaithful requires a firm commitment and willingness to leave the past behind, partnering with a therapist can enable you to address these underlying issues in a safe and open environment.

4. Addiction.

Addiction to drugs, alcohol, porn or gambling is far more common than people think. If addiction is an issue currently facing your relationship, there are a few things to be conscious of.

While taking a sip of alcohol, taking a drug or watching porn for the first time is a choice, it is important to know that addiction is a disease that affects the brain and alters the cognition and behaviour of the addict in deep and profound ways.

When recreational drug use progresses into a full-blown addiction there is nothing of greater importance to the addict than their drug of choice. The addict is solely driven by a physiological and psychological need to continue consuming, meaning they will often become manipulative and deceptive, and sometimes begin to lie, cheat and steal in order to continue using.

A relationship can often be the first aspect of an addict’s life that is destroyed as a consequence of their addiction.

A study conducted by the University of Denver concluded that addiction can often be the first step towards infidelity and communication problems in relationships.

While in a relationship with an addict you may find it difficult to recognise the person you once knew and loved.

You may be able to encourage or motivate your partner to get help but often times they need want change and be willing to make the first step themselves. Speaking with a therapist as an individual can help you determine if your relationship is salvage and establish next steps.

5. Power inequality

A power inequality or inequity is a major contributing factor to the downfall of relationships. An equitable balance of power is one of the main indications of a healthy relationship, they key indicators of which are identified by assessing whether both partners are able to share their thoughts, opinions and feelings equally.

A relationship that has become “unbalanced” is often characterised by one person in the relationship feeling a diminished sense of trust, respect and value from our partners, subsequently feeling as though they cannot communicate these emotions in a safe and loving space, typically leading to feelings of sadness, neglect and resentment.

Repressing these emotions will lead to an eventual conflict.
Jamiee Bell from ‘BigThink’ identified three main types of relationship dynamics:

The demand-withdrawal dynamic is when one partner assumes the role of the “demander”, studies show this is typically the female. The demander is the one who seeks the change and discussion, frequently in search of a resolution to issues within the relationship. The “withdrawer” is typically the male partner, they try to avoid addressing the issues in the relationship and in turn become withdrawn.

The distancer-pursuer dynamic occurs when one person “the pursuer” tries to achieve and maintain a certain degree of intimacy with their partner “the distancer”, who considers this affection to be smothering. There are many different layers to this dynamic, it is not so much focused on power but is more so to do with the “pursuer” seeking a deeper connection which may be perceived by their partner as neediness, meanwhile the “distancer” could be perceived as cold, emotionless and unempathetic.

In this unhealthy dynamic, the closer the pursuer wants to be, the more resistant, defiant, and withdrawn the distancer becomes. It is similar to the “demand-withdrawal” dynamic. However, in distancer-pursuer relationships the struggle is over a deeper connection, not so much who has more power.

The final type of relationship dynamic is the fear-shame dynamic. The fear-shame dynamic is typically an unconscious culprit of relationship troubles. Representative of how the fear and insecurity of one partner may ignite the shame and avoidance in the other & vice versa.

Reaching a balance of power in a relationship is known as having “shared power” and is determined by both partners taking responsibility for themselves and the health of the relationship, there is an open line of communication where both partners feel their emotional needs are being met with compassion and vulnerability.

6. Money issues

Research has shown that over half of couples enter marriage already in debt and 1 in 10 couples argue about finances at least once a fortnight.

There is no right or wrong way to deal with finances, each couple will have a different approach based on shared income, mortgage payments, paying for education and other expenses.

The best way to prevent money from becoming a barrier in your relationship is to have a clear understanding with your partner about who is responsible for what. Some couples find it helpful to have a shared account for any shared expenses and separate accounts in order to maintain a level of financial independence.

7. Children/Family

Parenting is one of the most difficult, life-changing and rewarding experiences you will ever face in your life. It can become very difficult if you haven’t developed a cohesive plan and a firm commitment of parenting tasks and principles to stick to.

It is important to remember that each parent and child is unique and therefore two partners may have very differing parenting styles. Setting boundaries at the outset and continuing to reassess them throughout your child’s growth can help to ensure that your children do not become a primary factor in your relationship issues.

It is very common for couples to split once their kids have grown up and left home. Often times a couple will find that once the kids are gone, they no longer have any shared interests or hobbies. As such, it is important to remember that your partner should always remain a priority. Setting aside time to spend together on a weekly or monthly basis will help you to maintain and strengthen your relationship throughout and beyond the journey of parenting.

8. Trauma/Mental Health

Life events and external pressure can have an adverse effect on any relationship. While some people cope with these events by opening up and seeking help and advice from loved ones or a therapist some others may have a tendency to retreat into themselves and bottle up their emotions leading to distance or withdrawal within the relationship. Suffering through a bereavement, financial strain, a diagnosis of disease or physical illness, past abuse, or anything else that you or your partner has endured can have an impact on emotional and physical health.

If you are suffering it is important to try and not to shut your partner out, a problem shared is a problem halved. If you feel that you are struggling to communicate or express yourself to your partner, then talking with a professional is a great first step.

Similarly, if you feel like your partner is suffering with their mental health or is shutting you out it is important to try and be patient with them, provide them with love and assurance in a language they are reciprocal too & encourage them to speak with someone.

9. Lack of appreciation

A major conflict that can arise in long term relationships is a ‘lack of appreciation’. This is where one partner or both partners may feel that their other half doesn’t appreciate or value your contribution to the relationship.

A prioritisation of work, children or social life/hobbies can result in one partner feeling underappreciated or neglected.

If this issue is not confronted early on it can lead to further problems within the relationship. A good way to tackle this early on is to communicate to your partner when you begin to feel undervalued. Set aside time to talk these feeling through, outline the division of labour, how can it be more equitable? Ensure to set aside some quality alone time just the two of you as often as you can. We can often be quick to criticise one another but how often do we take the time out of our day to let our loved ones know that we appreciate all the do for us? Making a conscious effort to acknowledge your partners contributions will help them feel more appreciated.

10. Growing Apart

Another common issue in relationships is that people can simply grow apart. This can be for a combination of reasons; change in personal interests, children are grown and have left home leaving no shared interest, a long-term lack of intimacy has led the relationship to become more of a platonic friendship. Or perhaps, you can’t pinpoint just what caused you to drift.

Whatever the reason maybe it is possible to repair the relationship and restrengthen your bond, it just takes time, effort & a willingness to do so.

If you feel your relationship maybe impacted by one or more of the issues listed above and would like to discuss them with a lice sensed professional, then click the button below to book a free 15-minute consultation with me.

Now that you have a better understanding of the most common issues facing relationships lets discuss the key elements to strengthening your relationship.

Resolving relationship issues can be a complex and challenging process, and different couples may have different approaches that work best for them. However, there are some general steps that couples can take to try to resolve their relationship issues:

• Identify the specific issues or concerns in the relationship. This may involve each partner expressing their own perspective and concerns, and trying to understand each other’s point of view.
• Communicate openly and honestly about the issues. This may involve actively listening to each other, expressing thoughts and feelings in a respectful way, and avoiding blame or criticism.
• Set aside regular time to discuss and work on the relationship issues. This may involve scheduling regular “date nights” or other dedicated times to focus on the relationship.
• Seek support and guidance from a therapist or counsellor. A trained professional can provide objective perspective and advice, and can help couples develop strategies and techniques for resolving their relationship issues.
• Practice empathy and compassion towards each other. This may involve trying to understand each other’s perspective, and showing understanding and support for each other’s feelings and experiences.
• Be willing to compromise and make changes in the relationship. Resolving relationship issues often requires both partners to make changes and adjustments, and to be open to trying new approaches and strategies.

Overall, resolving relationship issues can be a difficult but rewarding process, and can help couples improve their connection and communication, and strengthen their relationship.